we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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