I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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