names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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