So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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