I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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