oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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