i can't believe i had my finger in that
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
