I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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