I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
