ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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