I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
