He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
