i just made my gag reflex go away.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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