Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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