ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
