Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
