Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
What drink are we having for lunch?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
