Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
