You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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