I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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