What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have aggressive nipples.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
