last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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