The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
