I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
