And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
