You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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