mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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