I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
whose parrot is this?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
