Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
