When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize