sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
