hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
