It's like God shit irony all over that family
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
