I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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