Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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