I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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