Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
