Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i've created a new STD.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
