I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
