Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
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I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
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That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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