She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
