yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
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The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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