He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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