Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
