We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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