Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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