his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
