Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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