god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
