I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
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He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
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Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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