ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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