Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
