some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
