I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
