I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
