epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
