Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
