you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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