im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
