Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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