You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
