Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
