The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
