Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
