I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my shit smells like andre
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
