doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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