If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
