i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Who died my cat blue again?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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