If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I queefed so loud it echoed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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