I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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