I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
