I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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