Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
