I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
