I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
