We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
