yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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