I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
