i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
