I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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