why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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