the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
