well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
