This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
